The Hardness of… BEING

Wow.

It’s been raining for a couple of days now, and I just know that the Universe is testing me on the practice of what I’ve been preaching to you.

I used to be (maybe 3 minutes ago) the type that had to be DOING-DOING-DOING, or else it felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere, but now I’m working hard on just allowing myself to BE… without any agendas or project lists or schedules.  The rain kept me pretty much indoors, and I’m not much of a TV watcher, so I figured I’d keep busy DOING something on the computer.  They just “happened” to be down most of the day, so I was encouraged (forced!) to relax… take it easy and stare out the windows… the ones showcasing the rain and clouds, and the one looking into the recesses of me. 

The one that really needs a good washing.

It feels so right to support and encourage others to act in the way I resisted today… why do I feel I’m not subject to the same advice I so easily share with you?  I am a regular meditator, and am way better at chilling than I’ve ever been, so why is it that when circumstances beyond my control dictate what I should be doing, I resist?!

It’s the control thing, for sure.

It’s fine when it’s me that says when and where the chill-pill gets taken, but to be told by something outside of me… I’m just not as ready and eager to go along with the program being nudged towards me. 

But I do want to BE in that place.

The place where I accept everything as it is, without exception or judgement or fear.  I get a peek at that place from time to time, but not nearly as often as I’d like.  This is my work.  The work that I feel is crucial to the development of ME… who I really am.

It’s dark outside now… I think I’ll check my inside, and see if there’s any light in there.

Jerry